Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
