sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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