my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
