Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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