every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
