You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
