i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
