we have officially lost it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
