I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
