I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
