my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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