Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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