my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
