a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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