i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
