i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
