if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
