I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
