onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
