Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize