fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
