Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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