Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
