16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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