By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
