so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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