the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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