i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
