It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
