you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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