my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
