There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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