He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
