Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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