Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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