question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
