just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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