We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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