just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
