I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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