Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are we still banned from the library?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
