I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
