This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
