I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
