have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
