i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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