Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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