Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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