it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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