I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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