You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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