It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
