he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
