Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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