Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
