Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
