Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
