what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
