I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
