The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
