You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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