Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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