I heard we made out
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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