if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
