Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
