So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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