hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
