Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
