If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
