That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
