his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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