Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize