Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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