my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
