Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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