hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
