She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
