i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
