I hate your face
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
