Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
