He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
