So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
