Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
