so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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