Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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