i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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