... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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