he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
