i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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