College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
