your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
