well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
