he wants to bone in the snuggie
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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