Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
