I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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